


Don't turn away

by PiousMage



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Parent Death, Post-Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:35:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24632401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PiousMage/pseuds/PiousMage
Summary: Nico leaves practice early yet again, and yet again Nozomi decides to follow her. When Nozomi watches Nico walk into a graveyard, she begins to have second thoughts.
Relationships: Toujou Nozomi & Yazawa Nico, Toujou Nozomi/Yazawa Nico
Comments: 3
Kudos: 22





	Don't turn away

**Author's Note:**

> It's never touched upon in the anime or in any of the mobile games, but the School Idol Diary light novels imply that Nico's father has passed away, and that her "Nico Nico Nii~" is her way of remembering him and keeping him close. (A translation of the chapter in question can be found here: https://pastebin.com/z7b23p63)

"Sorry, guys. I have to leave early today."

Nico slung her bag over her shoulder as the rest of µ's watched on during a much-needed break. Practice had been getting more and more intense with the Love Live! finals approaching, and Nico's early and sudden departure came as a shock to her fellow members. What was it that just couldn't wait until later?

Eli, as the _de facto_ leader of µ's practices, deigned to ask. "What's going on, Nico? Is there a problem?"

Nico didn't face Eli as she responded. "It's personal. I'd rather not talk about it. I'll see you all tomorrow." And just like that, she was gone.

Almost immediately, Eli turned to Nozomi, who was carefully watching the door that Nico had exited through. She sighed. "You want to follow her again, don't you?"

Nozomi shrugged, a hint of a smile crossing her face. "I just want to make sure she's not getting herself into any trouble." Her expression fell. "That was just about as serious as I've ever seen her."

"I'd think Nico would be hyper-focused on the Love Live! finals, but something must have came up," Eli replied, almost to herself. "I think it's a good idea for you to go make sure she's okay. Message me if you need anything."

Already, Nozomi had opened the door. "Of course, Elicchi. I hope you all have a productive rest of practice."

And just like that, Nozomi was gone too.

* * *

Tailing Nico was nothing new to Nozomi. It a way, it was challenging. Nico's diminutive stature made it easy to lose her in a crowd, especially if Nozomi had a lapse in attention. In another way, it was easy. Nico was still wearing her practice outfit--a bright red shirt and a bright pink skirt. Even if Nozomi lost her for a moment, it wasn't long before she found her target again.

It was interesting, though. Nico wasn't going home, as Nozomi had been there before and they weren't anywhere close to it. She wasn't going to the arcade or any shops, as Akiba was in the opposite direction. Nozomi prided herself on her ability to read people, to know what someone was going to do before they did it. For once, Nico had left her with nothing. Nozomi genuinely had no idea where Nico was going. It excited her.

Nozomi's excitement vanished as she watched Nico turn and enter a graveyard. No wonder she had looked so serious earlier. For a brief moment, Nozomi considered following her inside, but her better judgment won the day and she elected not to. If anything, this had been a severe invasion of privacy. Not that Nozomi had never invaded anyone's privacy before, but this felt...different. She could sense the spiritual power emanating from the graveyard's entrance. The spirits would be cross with her if she walked upon their sacred ground without a good reason.

She found a bench across the street and sat down, her hands folded in her lap. Nico was visiting someone, of that Nozomi was sure. But Nozomi did not need to be party to anything else. If anything, she felt a need to apologize. So she waited.

* * *

"Hey, Daddy! Nico Nico Nii~! Happy birthday. Sorry I didn't bring you any flowers this year. I guess it just slipped my mind. I've had a lot going on. In fact...a bunch has happened in the past year. I hope you have some time.

"Remember how I told you that everyone but me left the Idol Research Club? Well, we got eight new members! And they're all just as passionate as me about school idols. We even started a new group, µ's. We have songs, outfits, performances, dances, and even some merchandise. It's like a dream come true. I hope you've been watching up there, because I've been shining as brightly as I can for you!

"That reminds me. Those eight new friends of mine...they taught me something very important. Before I met them, I thought I shined brightest when I was on my own, the center of attention, with all the lights on me and only me. Being a member of μ’s has taught me that’s not the way for me to shine brightest. I shine brightest when I’m surrounded by those I love, and we’re all singing together.

”I wish you could meet them. They’re all so amazing, each in their own ways. Hanayo loves idols almost as much as I do. Rin is so full of energy. Maki is a brilliant composer. Umi has such a beautiful voice. Honoka is the most determined person I’ve ever met. Kotori is as good as a professional costume designer. Eli has such a cool aura. And Nozomi is...there’s no one else on this earth quite like her. I mean that in a good way!

”...I don’t want to take up too much of your time. I wish you could see Cotaro. He’s getting so big and walking on his own a lot more often now! He’s even talking more often, although his word choice is...interesting sometimes. Cocoa and Cocoro are growing up fast, too. They told me to tell you that they said hi. Mama’s doing good, too, but she’s been really busy with her job lately. 

“I think that’s everything! I love you, Daddy. I miss you. Oh...I was wondering when the tears would start coming. Sorry. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry. I just...the Love Live! finals are next month. Don’t forgot to watch me and the rest of μ’s, okay? We’re going to win!”

* * *

Still wiping the tears from her eyes, Nico noticed someone familiar sitting on a bench across the street. It was...

”Nozomi?” Nico said to herself. Had she followed her all the way here? Had she...had she seen all that? No...if so, it would have been really hard for her to get all the way over to that bench that fast. Nico glanced both ways and then crossed the street. Before she could say anything, Nozomi stood up and bowed deeply.

”Nico,” she began, “I’m sorry. It was wrong of me to follow you like that. I should have given you the space that you needed.”

Huh. “That’s...a very surprisingly sincere apology, Nozomi.” A pause. “You didn’t follow me in?”

Nozomi shook her head. “The spirits would have been cross with me, I feel. I just wanted to stay so I could apologize for following you.” She smiled. “I’ll be on my way, now.”

”No,” Nico said before she realized she was going to say it. “I want you to stay with me for a bit.” She took a seat next to where Nozomi had sat herself on the bench. “It’s actually nice not to be alone right now.”

”Of course.” Nozomi returned to her seat. “Would you like to go somewhere a bit more private? My apartment isn’t far from here.”

”Yeah.” Nico nodded. “That’d be good.”

* * *

“I still can’t believe you live by yourself.” Nico had been in Nozomi’s apartment once before, when they had all written _Snow halation_ together. This was the first time that just the two of them had been there together.

”Is it so hard to believe?” Nozomi asked, setting a kettle on the stovetop. 

Nico exhaled. “I guess not. I’m just so used to a house full of people, I guess.”

A smile still plastered on her face, Nozomi sat across the table from Nico. “If I may ask, who were you visiting?” After a moment, she added, “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

Nico took some time to think. “No, it’s okay. I think it’s fine if one person in μ’s knows. Just promise me you won’t tell anyone.”

With a thin smile, Nozomi pinched her thumb and forefinger and dragged them across her lips. 

“Right. Well.” A deep breath. “It’s Daddy. A few years ago, sometime after Cotaro was born, he...none of us saw it coming.” She took another deep breath, willing away more tears. “Today is his birthday.”

For once, Nozomi was lost for words. Instead, she reached out and took Nico’s hand in her own, offering her a gentle squeeze.

A whispered “thanks” was the only thing either of them said for a while. They sat in silence until the whistle of the tea kettle interrupted their reverie. Nozomi stood up, reluctantly pulling her hand away from Nico’s. She took the kettle and poured into the empty cup she’d set in front of Nico. 

Eventually, she found her words. “I never would have guessed. You’ve never told anyone in μ’s?”

A shake of the head was Nico’s only response. 

Once Nozomi had seated herself again, she asked her follow-up question. “Why?”

”I just...I don’t want anyone’s pity. I don’t want to burden anyone else with this.”

Nozomi frowned, sipping her own tea. “It’s not a burden at all. But it’s your right to share what you want with your friends.”

Nico had yet to drink any of her tea. “Maybe after the Love Live! finals are over. I don’t want to be a distraction.” Her eyes flitted between Nozomi’s hand and the window. The memory of Nozomi’s fingers interlaced with her own made her feel warm.

”That’s fine.” Nozomi smiled, noticing Nico’s unsubtle eye movement. “Thank you for sharing with me. It’s an honor.”

Finally, Nico sipped her tea. It, too, made her feel warm. “You know...it was actually my dad’s idea to name me Nico.”

”Oh?”

Delicately, Nico held her teacup with both hands, smiling into it. "Before I could walk, before I could talk, he used to put me on his shoulders. He'd parade me around the house, and do you know what he'd say while he did?"

Nozomi tilted her head, although part of her knew the answer.

Indeed, it all came together as Nico held one of her hands next to her head, her index and pinky fingers extended. "Nico Nico Nii~, naturally!" She set her teacup back down and leaned back in her chair, turning back towards the window. "Since I'm apparently just spilling my guts to you today, I'll let you in on another secret." She smiled as she spoke, but there was a hint of melancholy to her voice. "That's my way of remembering him, of honoring his memory." Her mouth wrinkled suddenly. "That probably sounds stupid, I know."

"Not in the least." Nozomi was quick to dismiss her friend's fears. "It's very clear how much he means to you."

"I just," Nico still looked out the window as she spoke, for she felt that if she looked at Nozomi in this moment she would fall into pieces, "I miss him still. I miss him every day. I'm just so," she willed the tears away, "sad that he's gone. That he can't cheer me on in the stands. That he has to watch us perform in the finals from up above."

Nozomi reached out and took Nico's hand. "I think he has a far better seat than that."

As she looked at Nozomi and felt her warmth again, in so many ways, she felt as if she was jamming her finger inside a faucet. She waited for Nozomi to continue her thought, unable to form any of her own.

With her other hand, Nozomi pointed a finger towards Nico's chest. "You've been carrying him in your heart this whole time. He'll be on stage with us." A smile. "Best seat in the house."

Almost immediately, Nico was sobbing, and Nozomi had moved out of her chair to give Nico a tight hug. "My, my," she said, patting Nico's back, "I wasn't expecting to have to do this again so soon."

Had she been able to form words, Nico would have told Nozomi to shut up. Instead, she let herself cry, frustrated by how amazing her friend was. Frustrated by the way her heart seemed to ache whenever she thought too hard about her. Frustrated by the crossed wires of those feelings of warmth welling up in her chest and the feelings of sadness that were pouring out of her eyes.

She let Nozomi hug her for a few more minutes, and then invited her to dinner with her family later that evening.

* * *

Nozomi had largely willed herself to be numb to her own nerves, but as she walked with Nico through the building that she lived in, unease left her heart unsteady. Something didn't feel right about this, she had no right eating dinner with this family, invading their home on this sacred day. She had already asked Nico several times if she was sure about this, but she felt a need to ask again.

"I mean, it's not like you've never been over here before," Nico replied. "Plus, my mom knows you're coming. We have enough food. It's fine."

"I know, I just," Nozomi began, although Nico cut her off just outside the door to the family's apartment.

"You did something very nice for me," she said, facing her front door, "can you let me do something nice for you too?"

Before Nozomi could answer, Nico opened the front door. "Mama! I'm home!"

In an instant, her two little sisters had mobbed her, hugging her tightly. "Big sis is home, big sis is home!"

She rubbed their heads as she guided them out of the doorway so Nozomi could enter and close the door behind her.

Once she had done so, she knelt in front of Cocoa and Cocoro after they finally let Nico free. "Hello, you two. It's been a while."

They looked at Nozomi with the same stars in their eyes as when they looked at their sister. "Nozomi!" they said in unison, as if they'd been practicing.

Impressive. Had Nico orchestrated that little stunt? Either way, it had put a smile on Nozomi's face and eased her anxieties.

The constant noise and motion of the Yazawa household was always something to behold. Toys were strewn everywhere, the TV was playing a children's program at an irresponsible volume, and there was someone or something vying for your attention at all times. Nozomi hadn't really given it any thought the only previous time she'd been here, but now that she was the only guest, she was able to appreciate it all a bit more fully. It was definitely a far cry from the relative peace of her own apartment.

It was also much easier to lose track of time. It wasn't long before the family was seating themselves at the dinner table, with two empty seats still to fill. One of the seats, next to Nico, had a plate of food in front of it, and Nico nodded in that direction as her and Nozomi locked eyes. The other seat simply featured a small plate with nothing but a delicately folded napkin on top of it. It was next to Nico's mother.

Once Nozomi had taken her seat, she turned towards Nico's mother and bowed slightly. "Thank you very much for inviting me into your house and allowing me to share this meal with you."

Nico's mother waved a hand. "Oh, it's nothing at all! Nico talks about you all the time."

Who was the "you" there? Was it just Nozomi or all of µ's? She stole a glance towards Nico, who had turned beet red. Ah, there was the answer.

Nozomi had forgotten what dinner with a family was like. In fact, she doubted that she ever really knew what it was like. The conversation went all over the place, from what Cotaro had learned at school that day ("animals") to the status of Cocoa's on-again off-again friendship with a classmate (currently off-again) to a picture of Nico that Cocoro had apparently drawn for an art assignment (in truth, she had doodled it instead of doing her homework during study hall). Nico immediately posted it on the fridge, and Nozomi could tell from experience watching her that she was yet again holding back tears.

People-watching was another of Nozomi's hidden talents, and in her time watching Nico in particular, she had learned quite a lot. She loved her friends, she loved µ's, she loved idols, and she loved performing. But more than anything else, she loved her family, and her three little siblings were the most important people in the world to her. It was something you'd never guess from the standoffish way she could act sometimes, but that seemed to make it all the sweeter. Watching Nico pat her little sister's head, Nozomi could see the genuine pride in her eyes. This was the true Nico Yazawa, and she was thankful to know her and to be invited into this private part of her life.

* * *

"Thank you for walking me home," Nozomi said as they approached her apartment, "and for inviting me to dinner. I had a lovely time."

Nico was fidgety. "It's nothing. Mama said you're always welcome." She continued to not be able to look directly at Nozomi. "You're basically part of the family now."

"Again, it's an honor. I'm still quite surprised you hadn't invited anyone else before."

They stopped at the stoop in front of Nozomi's apartment building. "Maybe I'll invite other people. Who knows." Her hands flexed instinctively, her body full of nervous energy with nowhere to direct it.

Nozomi allowed herself a small giggle. The confident big sister had left her home and turned into just another an anxious teenager. Was Nozomi that intimidating of a presence?

"Something funny?" Nico said, facing Nozomi almost reflexively.

"Ah, that's better," Nozomi shot back almost immediately. "You shouldn't turn away so much. I quite enjoy looking at your face."

Beet red again. Malfunctioning. Unable to respond. Nico was powerless.

Nozomi waited for some time, allowing Nico space to say something, anything. Instead, Nico could only stare at Nozomi, one eye twitching. "Well, I should be going," Nozomi said after some time. She started to walk up the steps.

"Wait," Nico yelped, reaching out for Nozomi's hand. She grabbed it and scrambled up a couple of steps to get level with her and, standing on her tiptoes, planted a kiss on Nozomi's left cheek. She was running away down the street before anything else could happen. Nozomi heard her shout, "Thanks again for today! See you at school tomorrow!" as if nothing had happened.

As Nozomi watched her vanish from view, she cupped her hand against the cheek where Nico had kissed her. This was certainly not where Nozomi had expected the day to go, but it was a fine ending nonetheless. Nozomi figured there was no one on this earth quite like Nico Yazawa, and quietly thanked the gods for allowing the two of them to cross paths.

It was only when she was sitting with her tarot cards spread out in front of her later that night that she realized how deeply in love she had fallen.


End file.
